I'm surrounded by marriages, separations and divorces. More separations than divorces and more divorces than marriages.
Who's at fault? Is it both of them? One cheats did the other cause it? Or are we all so shellfish we're caught up in the "I'm not happy" game? Was your helpmate honest in the beginning? Or was it a representative?
What goes through our minds the day of your wedding? Do we really hear the vows presented or are they just words, and we really hear yada yada yada... do you take?
- I'll marry them today, but in 3 years I'm out.
- I just want a baby!
- He better have some money!
- I know he hits me but it's about love.
- She better know how to treat a man!
- I think they cheated, but I can't prove it so I'll still marry them.
- I don't want to be alone anymore!
- If you get big, I'm out!
- We get to put our finances together and that'll make things better!
- The sex was so good I gotta lock it down!
- Now, everyone is at MY wedding.
- What God puts together, let no one take asunder.
- I'm going to be the best husband or wife I can be.
- It's not about me, it's about us.
- There is no "D" word.
- All or nothing baby!
- I love _______!
- I will alway respect my man!
- I will alway love my wife!
Which one or more are you?
What is the purpose of marriage?
Should you both walk into the marriage with something (e.i. property, degrees, jobs, money, equal accounts, car)?
Is it important to get along with the in-laws?
What happens when you do everything they ask to make them happy, and they're still not happy?
What is your desire and expectation of marriage and your wife?
What is your desire and expectation of marriage and your husband?
What is the definition of a helpmate?
Can a man stay at home and take care of the kids?
Are the kids more important that your spouse? Why or Why not?
What should you do when the trust is shattered?
Is God in our marriage?
You went to church before we got married, but now you don't go?
Should the mother-in-law live with us?
What do you do when they're a spender and you're a saver?
How do you deal with mental issues like depression and anger?
What will you do if someone loses their job?
What happens when they put on too much weight?
LET'S TALK!
I want to know, what you think.
I want to know what the married, separated, divorced and single people have to say about any of the above. Let's build and learn.
Michael
While no one should put up with an abusive partner or be dragged down with an addictive spouse, marriage is about commitment. it's a decision that has to be made each day. Work, bills, the world, and especially our own selfishness get in the way of many commitments. A Christ centered life keeps everything else in check. When God is the center of our understanding, it is easier to forgive (like Joseph), accept (like Job), trust (like Paul), and love our in-laws (like Ruth). When things are tough, we must keep faith that God’s ultimate plan will prevail.
ReplyDeleteWhich one or more are you? None of the above. I married, my ex-husband, for the love and a future to build upon that love.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the purpose of marriage?
To provide a secure union to bring forth children, and/or to build a foundation for two people to grow together into a powerful unit.
Should you both walk into the marriage with something (e.i. property, degrees, jobs, money, equal accounts, car)?
Common sense, and no crazy expectations.
Is it important to get along with the in-laws?
No, just respect their position. They were there before you, and will be there if you leave...lol
What happens when you do everything they ask to make them happy, and they're still not happy?
Realize it's not about you making them, happy. They have issue with what happiness means, and how it is attained.
What is your desire and expectation of marriage and your husband? To be respected as an adult, and my opinions, needs and wants appreciated.
What is the definition of a helpmate?
A helper, literally, in all things..e.g. mental, physical and emotional wellness. Not a doer for you, not a servant to you.
Can a man stay at home and take care of the kids? Ah! Yeah!
Are the kids more important that your spouse?
More important? They are just as because they, often, have no point of reference unless it is given by the parent.In some situations, the children come before any adults needs, but your spouse's needs are just as important. If the union is not full circle, the children will be at a deficit and that doesn't bode well for their future.
What should you do when the trust is shattered?
Build it back.
Is God in our marriage?
Depends on your beliefs.
You went to church before we got married, but now you don't go? Church is good for fellowship, not necessarily the building of marriage. You can sit in a building all day long, doesn't matter unless you live/believe in whatever is being offered.
Should the mother-in-law live with us?
Is she sick, is she the nanny, did her house burn down. There are live changes, that we must roll with at any time.
What do you do when they're a spender and you're a saver? Budget, and have separate accounts...lol
How do you deal with mental issues like depression and anger?(Not really mental issue per DSM-IV) You treat them like any concern. Why are they depressed, is it temporary? Who is the anger directed towards, maybe counseling will help...
What will you do if someone loses their job?
Work to help that person not take it personally, and move on to another opportunity. In this economy, that could take a minute.
What happens when they put on too much weight? They know it, so don't act like it hasn't happened. Work with them to work it off, and not facilitate the weight by buying the wrong meals or not offering to workout with that mate. Don't make the person feel bad, involve them in more physical activities..etc. If they chose not to, confront the pink elephant in the room.....
The blame game...that's all it is...who can sound more convincing?? Who can walk out of a marriage without the guilt? Biblically speaking...no one. But if we're going off of todays standards...that's where you get " oh well she didn't tell me she was like this"," or he lied about his credit report" and so on....but at the end of it all...did you really try?? In the vows it CLEARLY says "FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE" not "FOR BETTER OR ELSE". I've come to find that people have marriage built in there minds a certain way and when they get into one they realize that it either a lot harder than they expected or it's not for them at all. The real question is...ARE YOU READY TO DIE? And I don't mean that in a physical way...I mean..are you ready to put aside all of the things that you clearly won't for the sake of either being right or just plain "I'm not gonna change, accept me or leave". When does "Me, Myself & I" die off and "Us & We" begin??? People are always looking for what they can get out of a marriage and what my "other" can do to improve my life...but it's not about that. Let me repeat...IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT!!! IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU...Sorry if that burst your bubble...but it's the truth. It is however about the other person in your life. YES..YOUR SPOUSE IS YOUR PRIMARY CONCERN. EVEN THOSE WITH KIDS.....A happy house starts with happy adults and then it trickles down to the kids, the dog, goldfish etc...It's not rocket science people. Work on killing that selfish person that currently resides @(Fill in your address here____________________________________________) and begin to become the SELF-LESS person your spouse will Love, Respect and in turn Mirror.
ReplyDeleteWhat gets me is that the divorce rate among christians is about as high as non-believers if not higher. It often makes me wonder what was the "motive" for getting married? Even with pre-marital counseling, I have seen Christians divorce within the first 5 years. I have known a friend that was being honest in a discussion we were having to say that she wanted a big wedding. Another friend to say that the biological clock was ticking and she wanted a baby...both of them got what they wanted and now they are both on their way to divorce court. How about the person that approached another in church and said "God told me you are going to be my wife or husband?" Did anyone await confirmation on what he or she heard? The voice that person "heard" may not have been God's, but their flesh talking. Is "until death do you part" taken seriously today? I am commenting on things that I have seen and or experienced in the Church. Many people are not whole within themselves before they go joining another person in marriage. There are people who don't love themselves yet they are trying to love someone else.
ReplyDeleteI know that the only thing perfect about us is that we are IMPERFECT. I believe that the reason for many christian divorces is selfishness, immaturity, being unequally yoked (in some cases) and finances or the lack there of.
I agree with Sci-Fi's comment that it is not about you, but about pleasing your spouse. It is about SELFLESS-NESS.